Alright, so I've been playing with this idea for a while, I've been bouncing the PTSD situation with several characters, I actually started with Chris and then I went into Rebecca, but I feel I went with the right choice of character for this story. It really has developed into something I actually like. I can also keep going with this, I'm not really into chapters as much as I am into short stories, but I feel like where I ended could keep going. Let me know if you like it enough for me to come up with another chapter in this or just leave it like this. I also tried to emulate the thoughts in the character's head between dialog. Not entirely sure if it worked.
Ghosts
The effects never seemed to wear off; knees clung to her chest, arms wrapping around herself to keep from breaking in half. The good doctor shook his head in disappointment. You should try to lay down, he says, it'll be good for you, he says. Cradling back and forth, glassy eyes darted across the room. Books, awards, pictures, plants. This place had the stink of mediocre. Closing her eyes, glowing red eyes pierced her mind. The tapping of rain on the windowsill distracted her from any other sounds in the room. The fire, the ticking clock, and the voice of the fat man sitting adjacent from her.
"Excuse me. Miss Graham."
Ashley opened her eyes and looked at her psychiatrist. Taking a deep breath, she calmed her nerves and swallowed the lump in her throat.
"Yes, Doctor Freeman?"
"How do you feel you've been spending your time lately?"
"I feel… I feel like I've spent this year as a ghost."
"Yeah? So how do you think this affects others around you?"
Ashley bit her bottom lip. She tugged on her flannel, stretching it down below her waist. Closing her eyes as if she was in pain, she whimpered.
"I don't know. I don't know what I'm looking for anymore. I don't know where home is anymore."
The good doctor wrote on his pad, after scratching his beard. He did that often. It annoyed her.
"Before 2004, and the events that happened in that year of yours, what were your aspirations? How was it like way back when? When things were more simple?"
It was fuzzy, she couldn't remember much, and Lord knows she tried to, but her recollection of everything had just been so bland; things these days were bland. Yet, adventure was never on the former President's daughter's mind.
"I don't recall… horses?"
"You had an affinity for horses?"
"No. Shit, I don't know…"
"Well how are you feeling about your life right now, Miss Graham?"
"I feel like I shouldn't be alive."
"What's really haunting you?"
That word. It perfectly described her situation. Her situation with post traumatic stress disorder.
"It's their eyes."
"The eyes?"
"Eyes of the villagers. Glowing red eyes. I can see them now. Piercing the darkness. Hungry. Crazy."
Ashely could feel her heart pumping, she thought the good doctor could hear it too; he lowered his glasses--could he?
"They smelled aweful. Like… like a stench that shoots up your nose and into the back of your brain--so bad, your eyes water. Their hands feel rough, like they've been rubbing on sand paper, yet it's slimy. Like a fish's scales. And their eyes."
Her doctor looked at her with concern, this was the most progress he's gotten in the last seven years of therapy.
"Vacant. Empty... Glowing."
"Miss Graham, exactly what did they do to you?"
"They injected me with a virus. It was growing inside me."
"How have you been doing since then? What goes on in your mind?"
"Sometimes…"
Ashley thought for a moment more, relaxing into the soft leather seat.
"Sometimes I think of him."
It won't go away, she doesn't think she's seen him blink at all. The feeling warmed her body. You're always alone when you don't know who you are. The slightest shove can shatter, crush and vaporize your bones.
"How's Leon doing?"
"He's fine."
"Yeah?"
"It bothers me that he is."
"Fine?"
"Yeah. I know he's stronger than me. But, why is it that he still gets to live a normal life?"
"Oh I don't think he has a normal life."
"No? Every time I talk with him, he seems just fine. He's not suffering anything illnesses that have to be abbreviated."
"Miss--"
"Please… just call me Ashley…"
The good doctor pushed his glasses back up his nose and scratched his beard. He does that often. And it never ceases to annoy her.
"What would you describe to be a normal life?"
"I don't know… I- I guess it's not being scared to go outside. Scared of having a terrible day and getting sent home. With no one waiting for me. With nothing in the fridge."
"Well what do you want in life, Ashley?"
"I just. I don't know. I just want someone to miss me when I'm gone. In a year I'm going to be thirty, what have I got going for my life? Nothing."
"What about your family?"
"They're no help."
There was a long silence, Freeman uncrossed his legs, she knew what this meant.
"Well our hour is up. I have other patients outside the door."
"Alright. I guess I'll see you next week."
"Good luck, Miss Graham."
"Ashley."
"Right, sorry. Ashley."
She walked out, grabbing her coat as another patient walked in. It felt like the calm before the storm, everyone outside the good doctor's office looked at her with their widened eyes. Their eyes. Ashley smirked and popped her collar to hide her face. Not much her face as much her expressions. Stepping out of the building, she deployed her umbrella--red and white--and ventured into the rain.
Unlocking the door to her apartment, Ashley walked in and turned on the lights. Things were drab. Colorless. It was mainly her fault. A part of her like it, another part thought it depressing. She threw her coat on the couch a drew a chair, not much had crossed her mind at this point, just the thought of returning home, just the thought of being away. She wanted to do something with her life. Get out. Party. Pretend to forget, and even really forget, build up the courage of going outside. Not being scared of the social world again. There was a chance of that happening. A small chance but she wanted to risk it.
It was decided, Ashley put on a dress, sprayed on some perfume, put on her coat, and grabbed her purse and umbrella. Hailing a taxi, she rode into the city. Normally, running away from your problems was a bad idea, but this was something no one could deal with, it felt right. It was right. It is. Stepping out, her umbrella opening up like a butterfly, and she tried to smile.
Three hours in a loud club and she felt no better. Ashley began to realize what a bad idea this was; yet, keeping to herself, she could only blame one person. Burning through so many glasses, the room refused to stop spinning; she decided to rest her head against her folded arms.
"Hey sweetheart, you plan on sleeping?" The bartender asked.
Ashley sat up and shook her head in defiance. "Why does he get to live a normal life?" She slurred, repeating what was in her mind. "Why is it he can just forget about what happened all those years ago?"
The bartender raised an eyebrow. "You need a new pimp?"
Ashley looked in disgust at the bartender. "No, you idiot… I don't-- why am I even talking to you?" She turned around and sat up with her drink, which of course was a bad idea as the first thing she rammed into was another woman. Her lime green drink stained the woman's blouse; Ashley's jaw dropped, she covered her mouth. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry." The other woman glared at her. She was tall, dark long hair, of course she had to be wearing white.
Grunting in an alley way, the rain--not giving up--muffled the sounds of a knee driving into Ashley's gut and a fist beating her face into a brick wall. This was a pain she could recognize, something she didn't think she could feel. Of course, she wasn't enjoying herself as she was brought to the ground and the tall woman started stepping on her. Her cold hands, clammy, yet rough grabbed Ashley's shoulders. All she could feel was the haunting sensation of her psychology intruding. She felt like she was going to get grabbed, thrown over the woman's shoulder, and taken away. It triggered an instinct reaction: Ashley shot up and screamed, backing into the corner of the alley; the woman grabbed her again, it probably wasn't as rough as she had imagined, but it was all she could think of. Her foot went straight into the woman's chest and knocked her to the floor. As the rain pounded on them, Ashley sunk her boot into the woman's face as hard as she could, cracking her nose. She could feel her heel breaking her cheek bones and sink deeper than she had anticipated, constantly stomping on the woman's face pulverizing it, blood splashed like the puddles of rain, her foot came down onto her mouth and broke her jaw, she could feel the teeth exit her mouth on her boot as she lifted to keep shoving her foot into her face with all the force she could muster. The cracking sound of bones filled her ears, each time her foot came crashing onto the woman's face, she grunted in the same manor in which she had when she was taking the beating. Her arms were spread against the corners, using the walls for support as she kept stepping on her face until there was no face left. Her foot rested inside the woman's skull, Ashley was hyperventilating, tears streaming from her face as blood pooled from what was left of the woman's head. She looked away, and took her boot out of the skull as she felt an eye roll over the top of her boot. Her frame collapsed as she covered her face, in disgust of herself. Crying, trying to hold back, her entire body was shaking, she didn't know what to think anymore. Ashley wasn't ready for the social world yet, she knew it.
Going out was a mistake.
Sat Apr 22, 2023 9:34 pm by 
